Tuesday, September 20, 2011


i have been putting this one off for a while. not because it is especially hard for me to forgive people. unless its myself. i feel like this is not unusual for a lot of girls. we put so much pressure on ourselves to be and do everything.

to be a size 6.
to keep your house clean and smelling pretty good.
to spend equal amounts of time with each friend.
spend time with family.
to serve the community around you.
be crafty.
cook something decent.
keep your legs shaved.
keep learning.
be fashionable.
keep up with pop culture.
work 8-5.
figure out how kids work.

and this list goes on and on.

we can be pretty hard on ourselves. usually it gets to a point where i give up and just take a nap. (its my go to therapy). but lately i've tried to slow it down a bit (not always a choice these days). to slow it down and forgive myself if i don't get to everything on my list, if i don't do everything perfect. and just try to feel reassured that my friends won't drop me. that the politics of the world will pretty much be the same next week. that drinking a glass of tea on my back stoop without worrying about pulling weeds and taking out the trash is allowed. and if i don't exercise that day, that my non-existent muscles won't sag...

it will all be there tomorrow. and tomorrow i will be ready for it.
unless its another southern tea day.

Next: be a friend.


  1. You are right on, Kelstar. Relax - relax relax. Pretty soon, you will find yourself forced to slow down so much that the only thing you are able to do for the next 30 minutes is stare at your little girl and listen to her little breathing. And you will have no desire to do anything else and you will be perfect right where you are and how you are (and actually FEEL like it!). You are an inspiring pregnant lady and we love you and your big ole belly.

  2. I am one who struggles with some of those things. My biggest problem is expecting of others what I expect of myself. That one gets me in lots of bad moods. I am pretty laid back until someone offends me and then I think they need to get it together and stop acting so childish/selfish/nasty/dishonest/insert other transgression here. I really struggle to forgive them unless talking through stuff. Even if it's over dumb stuff.
    So I guess my big problem is letting go, I can worry about something for years. Have you written on that one? I think you should...maybe I should actually. Oh man.